


N7 Month, Day 7: Occupational Therapy

by kayethespade



Series: The Adventures of Alicia Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Zaeed is Shepard's dad hc, heck yea there's a wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:03:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8490832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayethespade/pseuds/kayethespade
Summary: Alicia Shepard. Paragon. Happy Synthesis Ending where everything turns out okay except she ends up in rehab. Additionally in this AU, Shepard persuaded Salarian scientists to find a cure for Keprals almost as soon as she met Thane, so he’s in recovery as well. This is based off a tumblr post where the op suggested Joker aggressively encouraging Shepard through their rehab, and for the life of me I can’t find the original post. If you find it, please direct me to it. I determined that she’d be going through occupational therapy rather than physical therapy, though in this situation, she might have both. Additionally, the part with rapid eye movement therapy is an actual method used on people with PTSD, myself included. Now that all the background stuff is out of the way, enjoy and happy N7 day!





	1. A Sweet Electric Wheelchair

"Go to this old colleague of mine, she says. She's fantastic, she says," Shepard muttered into her pillow.

"Dr. Chakwas wouldn't have recommended me if I couldn't get you back on your feet, Commander," Anya Konstantinov said, tugging at her patient's gait belt.

"Yes, but do you have to get me up so early, Anya?" she snapped.

"You can't say that she didn't warn you, Shepard. Now are you ready to work or will I have to call someone else in to assist you to the shower?" Konstantinov growled.

This had been going on for fifteen minutes. Even though she'd only been on bed rest for two months, Commander Shepard acclimated to civilian life faster than expected, at least in the sleep schedule aspect.

"You'd better do what she says, Commander. Otherwise I might get Garrus in here to liven you up a bit," called a snarky, joking voice from the door.

"Joker. Is that you? I can't sit up, so you'll have to tell me," Shepard complained.

"You know damn well that's a lie," Konstantinov said. Even so, Shepard gradually rolled over onto her back. "That's it. Now try to move one leg over the side of the bed."

Her brow furrowed in concentration. She grunted under the exertion, but eventually, Shepard moved both feet to the ground.

"Damn. You got pretty banged up. Huh, Commander?" Joker said.

"In other news, the sky is blue and my hair is shaved."

“Wait. That rumor about brain surgery was true? Yikes! I have to say, though, it's a pretty good look on you," he sighed, petting her head.

"Thanks, Jeff. Not my choice, but I like it now," she answered.

"So. When are you getting back to the Normandy?" Joker asked.

There was a long pause.

"I don't know if I ever will," Shepard said.

"What? Excuse the insubordination, ma'am, but fuck that!"

“What am I supposed do, Joker? Roll up into the Normandy in a sweet electric wheelchair? Biotic my way in? I may never walk again, but at least the galaxy is safe. And...that's good enough for me," she ranted.

"No. That's not good enough for you, Commander," Joker growled. "You're going to walk and run and fight, probably not dance but that's besides the point, if it's the last thing I do. Which includes doing your therapy. Now, are you ready to go?"

There was a long pause.

"Yes. Thank you," Shepard said.

"I'll still be supporting you, and we'll even use a shower chair today, but you are going to walk again," Konstantinov assured.

"Let's go."

"You're free to leave, Mr. Moreau," she sighed.

"What did I just say? I'm here to support the Commander all the way," Joker protested.

"I appreciate that, but I'm going to go shower. Please go outside until I'm done," Shepard intervened. Joker thought to mention that generally speaking, military personnel were used to showering with each other. The narrowed gaze from Shepard stopped that particular train of thought.

"Oh. Right. I'll...go tell Garrus how you're doing," he muttered and wheeled out of the room.

Konstantinov took hold of the handle on Shepard's gait belt. Her other hand took one of Shepard's.

"Okay. Now try to use the muscles in your legs to stand up. I'll be here to catch you if you start to fall," she ordered.

Shepard took a deep breath. It felt like fire running from her hips to the tips of her toes, but she stood for the first time in a little over two months. Everything felt like radio static, but she stood.

"Standing may taking some getting used to, but it's about fifteen steps to the shower chair. Leaning on me the whole way, I want you to take a single step," Konstantinov said.

Shepard breathed for a few seconds before nodding in agreement. She lifted her right foot and plopped it down a little in front of the other. She did the same for her left foot. Her right leg trembled.

"It's alright. I’m here. Do it again."

Shepard grunted in acceptance and repeated the process. This time, her left leg twinged and threatened to give out.

"Let's just stand for a few seconds. Give your legs some time to straighten themselves out," Konstantinov muttered.

"Hah. Me. Straight," Shepard laughed.

"Oh Shepard. How very clever. You truly have outdo-Oh spirits she's standing," Garrus said from the doorway.

"Garrus. Get out," she ordered.

"...What?"

"Dammit, Vakarian, I gave you an order. Get out!" Shepard yelled. Her knees began to buckle. Tears stung at her eyes. He nodded, closing the door behind him.

Konstantinov half-dragged, half-carried her the rest of the way to the shower chair. She helped Shepard out of the hospital gown and put some shower shoes onto the Commander's feet. Shepard, amazingly, still had use of her arms, but she sometimes had trouble washing her hair well when under duress. Konstantinov washed Shepard's short hair while she washed her body.

"So. Would you like to tell me what that little episode with your boyfriend was about?"

"What. Are you my counselor now too?" Shepard muttered.

"Dealing with military PTSD and emotional trauma isn't in my job description, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk."

"I hadn't seen Garrus since the final stand on Earth. He got hurt on my watch. There were a few hours after I regained consciousness that I didn't know if he was alive or dead. Liara came in and told me that everyone except Captain Anderson survived. I was so happy, but I really didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to see him for the first time after my recovery. On my own terms."

"You felt vulnerable since it was your first time standing. Unrealistic to expect him to wait that long, but understandable," Konstantinov suggested.

"I didn't want him to see me like that. I don't want him to think that I'm weak now."

"Not being able to walk yet does not make you weak. You're working to be better, just as you always have."

"What does my path to recovery look like?" Shepard asked.

"You're getting occupational therapy from me five days a week. After we work on stabilizing your gait pattern, we'll strengthen your legs further. Get you independent in terms of walking to the bathroom and down to the mess hall before we start working with long-distance. For your arms, we'll restore their reach and flexibility," It was at this point that Shepard let out a snort of laughter. "...What was so funny?" Konstantinov asked.

“Ahem. Nothing. Nothing at all.”

"...Anyways. After that, we'll work on strengthening your arms. Regaining muscle. For that and onwards, I've enlisted the help of your crew to reteach you how to fight. You'll have lost a lot of muscle memory," Konstantinov continued.

"Oh god they're gonna work my ass," Shepard muttered.

"Hey. They're your crew," she said.

"Damn right they are."

"I'll be at certain training sessions to mark your progress, but you'll be discharged from the hospital fully after that."

"About how long will this process take in total?" Shepard asked, rinsing herself off.

"For a normal patient, I'd estimate a year, give or take a few months. However, you are Commander Shepard, so my estimate is six to nine months," Konstantinov sighed.

"I'm not going to magically heal faster just because of my name and my legacy," she said.

"No, but you have more strength of will and determination than I have had in any other patient within my entire thirty years as an OT. Plus, I believe that Mr. Moreau is welcome motivation. He and EDI have a betting pool going over whether or not he'll be able to beat you in a foot race in three months time."

"Who's betting what?"

"EDI's betting against you. Not physically possible, she says," Konstantinov grumbled.

"Ha. I've always been one to beat the odds."

Konstantinov dried Shepard off gently, helping her back up again with slightly less effort.

"I can carry you back to your bed if you'd like," the therapist offered.

"No way in hell. I'm going to walk."

Konstantinov helped Shepard into civilian clothes and returned her to bed. Joker rolled back in shortly after. Konstantinov excused herself to get to her next patient.

"Is Garrus alright? I didn't mean to yell at him like that," Shepard sighed.

"He's fine. Concerned for you, but fine," Joker answered.

"Can you tell him to come visit me in about an hour? It'll be right after my counseling appointment."

“Huh. You have two therapists?” he asked.

“Yeah. My psych evaluation didn’t turn out very well. It’s gotten better, but this shit still sucks,” she grumbled.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure Garrus doesn't get into too much trouble on the Citadel," he said.

"Thanks, Joker. My counselor is here," Shepard answered.

A rather tall asari matriarch knocked on the open door before entering.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Moreau. The Commander has told me a lot about you," Ni'nophia Liris commented, taking a chair next to Shepard. Shepard had requested Ni’nophia after seeing her working with a solider with PTSD during the Reaper war.

"I'll see myself out," Joker sighed.

"I heard from Ms. Konstantinov that you lashed out against your boyfriend, Garrus, earlier," Ni'nophia said.

"I wasn't prepared to see him again. Not after everything that's happened," Shepard muttered.

"It's totally okay. What do you want to say to him when you see him again?" she asked.

"I'll probably apologize some more."

"You don't have to apologize for any of that."

"Yes, I do. I can't lash out like that," Shepard growled, clenching the sheets in her fists.

"Do you feel like if you express your emotions around him that he won't love you anymore? That you have to be an emotional rock for your crew?" Ni'nophia suggested.

Shepard didn't answer.

"If Garrus, or any of your crew, would do that, then would they really be your friends? Or would they just be attracted to the heroic mystique version of you?" she continued.

Her fists unclenched. "...Thank you."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"

"I keep having dreams about dying. Being spaced. Planets burning. Earth. Thessia. Tuchanka. Palaven. Rannoch," Shepard sighed.

"You're wondering if these dreams are prophetic?" Shepard nodded. "This is a very common symptom of human PTSD. The tendency to live events in dreams or flashbacks that the survivor is paranoid about or has lived through before," Ni'nophia said.

"Okay, so how do we stop them?"

"The dreams are a symptom of larger emotional issues. As we dig into the sources of those issues and quell the disturbances with either rapid eye movement therapy or mind meld therapy, the dreams pertaining to those issues will subside. This is all about learning healthier coping mechanisms so that you'll be able to handle high-stress emotional issues in the future without bottling it up until it explodes," the counselor explained. Shepard nodded.

The session targeted Shepard's feelings of guilt over surviving when so many others died, those she could have saved. In between small bouts of mind-melding, Shepard would say whatever thought came to mind about a particular event. In this case, she chose watching the batarian colony be destroyed while she was powerless to stop it.

"It's one thing to know that I did everything I could in my mind. It's another thing to believe it," Shepard confessed.

"I'm so glad that you are able to believe that. Is there anything you would like to say before we wrap up our session?" Ni'nophia asked.

"I think we'll have to continue with this train of thought in our next session," she said.

"I believe so as well. Your mind may continue to process this train of thought. I can seal most of it to go with me when I leave, but you can call me if anything especially disturbing comes up."

"See you on Saturday,” Shepard answered. Ni’nophia left with a small pat to Shepard’s hand, taking most of the thoughts of guilt with her when she broke the mind meld.

Shepard brought the water from her bedside table over to her with biotics. As with Kaiden, her biotic implant had been "rattled", so she was getting used to using her biotics again. She drank the rest of the water in the cup, looking out the window at the view. So many people lived down there. So many refugees. And they were all safe from the scourge of the Reapers. Then again, they were also all synthesized with synthetic and organic material now. But they were safe.

There was a light knock at the door before Garrus entered cautiously. For a moment, neither of them spoke. They simply took the other in. Garrus' scars had reappeared, as had Shepard's. The Commander still appeared bruised, but the cuts into her skin healed for the most part. Part of her right eyebrow was cut out. She opened her arms wide, welcoming him in. Whatever Garrus had been holding, he dropped it and ran to hug Shepard as tightly as he dared.

"I really thought I was going to lose you again," he whispered.

"I was so worried about you," Alicia said.

"It was only a scratch, Shepard," Garrus muttered.

"Just kiss me, Vakarian," she ordered, holding his cheek in her hand. As if to assure herself that he was real.

He happily obliged, bringing one hand to the back of her neck. They kissed as if it had been two years again, instead of two months. When she broke away to breath, they just stared at each other longingly. Garrus took a seat on the bed beside her legs.

"I know what Liara told me, but what happened that day on Earth?" he asked, holding her hand.

"After I was injured, the beam sucked me up into...what I think was a Cerberus ship, but I don't really know for sure. There were...remains everywhere. I made my way into a large, windowed room with a control panel. Anderson was being..hurt? Controlled? Immobilized? Yeah. By the Illusive Man.

Said Illusive Man was indoctrinated. There was some conversation. I had to shoot Anderson to save him. The Illusive Man shot himself in a last effort to resist the Reapers' control. Kind of like with Saren. Huh. Weird. I sat down beside Anderson. He told me he was proud of me...and then he died.

The damn Crucible wasn't firing so I started crawling forwards to the control panel. I blacked out for a second. Then I was on some platform with a technological-looking boy. He looked like one of the children on Earth, but also sort of like a VI. He told me that this cycle has to happen to maintain order so that the synthetics never completely destroy the organics.

I had to choose between controlling the Reapers, which would kill me in the process for some reason, destroying all synthetic life as we know it right at this moment, which includes me and a lot of people I care about, or synthesizing my DNA into all life, so that everything is organic and synthetic, and that destroys me in the process as well," Alicia explained.

"That sounds like a situation where you die no matter what you do. So! How did you cheat death this time, Shepard?" Garrus teased.

"I obviously couldn't control or destroy the Reapers without transgressing my moral boundaries. Synthesis seemed like the best choice. But...I didn't want to die. I couldn't call anyone for help. I was..alone.

I knew that I had to do everything I could for all life, but I pleaded with…God? Spirits? Anything that might exist that I would be able to live. I couldn’t leave you again. The mechanism did something that the boy hadn’t expected. It copied my DNA plus some of the mechanisms to make my DNA. It used that to synthesize enough for the entire universe. I don’t know what decided to keep me alive. The boy disappeared, and then I was able to radio for evac," she concluded.

"I expected something fantastical, but nothing like that."

"I can still hardly believe it, and I was there."

"I don't know how, but I knew that you were alive. Something in me knew that you were alive," Garrus sighed, holding her hand tighter.

"I was going to ask earlier, but what's in that box?" Shepard asked, pointing to the box on the ground behind him.

Garrus stood up, walking over to retrieve the box. He strolled back over to her.

"Would you believe it was a single chocolate?"

"Garrus."

"A new phone?"

"Garrus!"

"A pendant from my dear, dear grandmother?"

"Vakarian," she said in her lowest register. He shivered where he stood.

"Shepard, we've been friends for a pretty long time now, and you have to know that I respect you more than anyone. And when you get back on your feet, there's no guaranteeing if we'll ever retire. I want to make this official," he said. Garrus knelt, holding her hand with one of his and flicking the box open to reveal a sapphire ring with the other. "Alicia Shepard, are you ready to be a one turian woman?"

“Oh god, you’re proposing. Okay. I was actually going to do the same thing. The ring is in the bedside table. Just gimme a second,” Shepard answered. A few tears came to her eyes from the shock that she would actually get to get married. She opened the drawer and grabbed a similar ring box.

“That…looks exactly like this ring, Shepard,” Garrus chuckled.

“We got each other the same ring. Hey, at least we match!”

“Should I take this as a yes, Alicia?” he sighed.

“What do you think?” she replied. Garrus looked at her expectantly. “Yes, you dumbass. Of course, I’ll marry you. I love you, Garrus Vakarian.”

"I love you too, Alicia," he said, bringing her into another embrace. She gently put the ring on her finger and did the same for his.

"However, I want to be able to walk down the aisle, so it may have to wait for a bit," Shepard clarified.

"I completely understand, Shepard. You've been capable for a long time, so you have trouble asking for help when you need it," Garrus sighed.

"You used to be the same way."

"Yes. Take as long as you need to learn to walk again. I'll be here, waiting to teach you how to shoot again when you're done."

"Even as I am now, I'd still be the better shot. Hey, so...the worst part of waking up again was not knowing if I would have to live the rest of my life alone," she whimpered, looking down at her hands. He tilted her chin up to look in her eyes.

"You are never alone, Shepard. And you never will be again. Not now. Not ever. I promise," he said. Garrus kissed her forehead. "I'm about to send the others in. They knew I was going to propose, so…prepare yourself."

"Garrus!" She didn't mean to sound that frantic. The way she grabbed his wrist made his heart hurt. "Please. Stay with me for a little longer. I mean...bring the others in, but please stay."

"Whatever you need, Commander." She smiled at him, willing herself to move over to make room for him right beside her.


	2. "Tex-Mex"

One by one, her crew filed in. Some sat on the windowsill. Some stood in varying places. There was one noticeably empty space until Kasumi turned off her cloaking device.

"Never thought I'd see you sit still long enough to recover, Commander," Tali began.

"Oh you know me. Have to slow down at some point. Not today. But some point," Alicia sighed.

"I take it that my recommendation is serving you well," Dr. Chakwas said.

"Well enough, now that I know that I have a chance," Shepard replied.

"Since none of you are going to ask, I will," Miranda interrupted. She turned to Garrus. "Did you say yes?"

"What do you think?" Garrus replied, revealing his left hand.

"Holy shit, Zaeed. I never thought I'd see the day," Miranda muttered.

"Yeah yeah, time to pay up," Zaeed answered.

"I'm not surprised that you're betting over whether or not I'd propose too, dad. I'm just disappointed," Shepard said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"The bastard did ask for my blessing, after all. No disputes over who's walking you down the aisle, eh, Shepard?" Zaeed asked.

"None. Also, Tali, I'd like you to be my maid of honor."

"Yes! Time for you all to pay up," Tali cheered.

"Goddamn, Lola. You couldn't have picked Liara just this once?" James lamented, shelling out a hundred credits.

Zaeed, Miranda, and Kaiden each lost a hundred credits that day as well. Miranda muttered something about losing all her bets within two minutes.

"I didn't even want to be your maid of honor, actually. I’m not too familiar with either culture," Liara said.

"So, when are the Champion for all of Humanity and Archangel getting hitched?" Cortez asked from the corner.

"About three to five months, depending on how my recovery's going. I heard that you're all betting on that as well," Shepard sighed.

"What can we say? You're unpredictable," Traynor answered.

"Any details figured out?" Kasumi asked.

"Such as?"

"Colors? Type of ceremony? How many kids you'll have?" she replied.

"Why does everyone want to know if I'm gonna have kids?" Shepard whined.

"I don't know, honey. Maybe it's because you're a war hero," Garrus said, placing an arm around her shoulder.

"God. Get a room," Jack growled.

"We have a room, Jack," Shepard said.

"Walked yourself into that one," Joker called from the back of the room.

"Joker. I meant to ask you earlier, but now that this is a sure thing, I've heard there's a human custom of having one of the groom's close friends organize some of the wedding," Garrus began.

"Straight to the point, you're asking me to be your best man? Absolutely," he sighed, rolling a little closer.

"Thanks, Joker. I know you'll take care of things," Shepard said.

"So. Any chance we can get you out of this room for a bachelorette party soon?" Miranda suggested.

"Wait. What's a bachelorette party?" Garrus asked.

"It's where the bride and her girl friends go out for a last night of singleness and drinking before she has to fuck one person for the rest of her life," Jack answered.

"Ah. So basically shore leave?" he concluded.

"Yeah pretty much. Oh! And the guys get to do the same thing," Joker said.

“Oh right. I believe I remember one time on the Citadel when Shepard peeked in on a Bachelor Party watching a stripper,” Garrus sighed.

“Yeah. Why do you take such a personal interest in other peoples’ business, Shepard?” Tali asked.

“What can I say? I’m a people person,” she muttered.

“All jokes aside, the crew would like to take you out for a fancy dinner in thanks for saving everyone,” EDI said.

“We can try to rent out a hospital wheelchair for the night if you guys would like,” Shepard suggested.

“I’ll go see about that. I can put in a good word with the nurses,” Dr. Chakwas answered.

“If I’ve learned anything about the medical field in my stay here, therapists and nurses are the people who get shit done around here,” she said.

“Accurate,” the doctor sighed, heading off to the nurses’ desk.

“What type of food do you even like Shepard?” Jack asked.

“What do you mean?” Shepard replied.

“Like...what do you like? What does the great Commander Shepard eat for dinner?” Jack tried again.

“Um. Whatever is cooked and set in front of me?” she said.

“I think Jack is trying to ask what nationality of food you like the best,” Miranda clarified.

“Thank you. I grew up as an “orphan", so the food that I ate on Earth and in the military isn’t exactly what I’d call gourmet. A few times as a kid, this really nice family fed me when I ran errands for them. They mostly fed me what I’ve come to understand as “Tex-Mex”, according to Vega, but it was amazing,” Shepard answered.

She couldn’t comprehend why, but the room went silent for a minute. It began to sink in that most of the crew probably didn’t really understand what it was like living on the streets, surviving dirty job to dirty job. Zaeed’s face became unreadable as he realized the implications of leaving his abandoned daughter on Earth.

“Don’t you worry, Lola. I’ll take you to the best Mexican food on the Citadel,” Vega encouraged, breaking up the awkward silence.

“Anything is better than hospital food. No flavor whatsoever. It’s like they don’t know what seasoning is,” Shepard complained.

“You like it spicy, Shepard?” Jack asked.

“Anything to dull the pain of existence, am I right?” she answered.

“Woah what?” Trainer interrupted.

“When you’re in the military for long enough, you develop a dark sense of humor, Traynor,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas came back in with a wheelchair. She stood by to help Shepard with the transfer. Shepard grumbled the whole way about having to put up with this barely any legs bullshit.

“Wow. That’s more than I’ve seen you move in a month,” Liara commented.

“Getting lazy, Shepard?” Kaiden joked.

“I don’t know, Alenko. Maybe it’s the severe nerve damage, but I haven’t exactly been motivated to do much moving,” Shepard shot back.

“Just a joke, ma’am,” he said.

“Thanks. Hey Vakarian, can you roll me out of here? My arms are tired,” Alicia sighed.

“Yes, honey,” Garrus said.

She could have easily done so with her biotics, but she felt like this was a small way of trusting her boyfriend. It was moderately difficult to screw up steering a wheelchair.

When the party arrived at the restaurant, Shepard was seated at the head of the table. She was the guest of honor, but the removal of a chair to make space for her wheelchair reminded her of how far she had to go. How much work she still had left to do in order to be independent again. Would she ever be independent again? She’d have to be. Her team believed in her. That’s all she needed.

“Three tamales, please,” Shepard ordered when the waitress turned to her.

“Are you sure about that, Lola? This food fills you up,” Vega asked.

“Did I stutter, Lieutenant?” she said.

“I wouldn’t question her, Vega. She probably hasn’t had a decent meal for two months,” Garrus suggested.

“Alright, it’s your funeral,” he muttered.

“Speaking of funerals, how’s your N7 training going?” Shepard asked.

“It’s brutal, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from the program that shaped you,” Vega answered.

“Kicking your ass hard enough?”

“Oh big time,” he said.

“Who’s like us?” Shepard started.

“Damn few, and all of them are dead,” the rest of the table called back.

“You guys seriously remember that?”

“Sorry, Shepard. You’re just so quotable,” Tali answered.

“Oh yeah? What other things do people repeat when I’m not around?” Shepard asked.

“I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel,” Kasumi mimicked.

“I was only mostly dead. Try finding that on government paperwork,” Zaeed continued.

“Careful. There goes the next Shadowbroker,” Liara said.

“Tali-Zorah saved the Citadel! She saved the Alarei! She showed the galaxy the value of the quarian people. I can’t think of stronger evidence than that,” Garrus added.

“I seem to remember you were sitting on the stairs during that trial, Garrus. Care to explain?” Shepard challenged.

“Just trying to see if you were paying attention,” he sighed.

“Am I really that cheesy?” she asked.

“Personally, I believe you’re more fitting of the cheerleader title,” Miranda replied.

“Deny it all you want, but you were way too peppy for your job,” Jack said.

“Wow. How do any of you put up with me?” Shepard muttered.

“To quote Traynor, woah, what?” Cortez interrupted.

“Gotta love that depression and PTSD. Very easy to explain in normal conversation,” she answered.

The commander stared from face to face. All of them were varying degrees of sympathy and shock and admiration. Shepard still couldn’t quite discern turian facial expressions, but the way Garrus reached for her hand conveyed a concern that she couldn't quite find in his eyes.

“Huh,” Steve began.

“What?” Shepard said.

“Didn’t expect you to be so open about that, is all.”

“There was a time when just living with this shit was normal. In some places it still is. If the Champion of Humanity, the Great Paragon says she deals with mental illness daily, maybe it makes it a little easier for somebody else. If anybody has a problem with that, they can take it up with somebody who cares,” she explained.

“That’s really big of you, Commander,” Samara said from behind her. The commander opened her arms to hug her. Samara embraced her as tightly as she dared. “I’m here on business, and I heard that you’re getting married. I am so glad that you have found happiness, Shepard.”

“I’d hate to hear what your business here is, but care for some dinner, Samara?” Shepard asked.

“Of course. I wish it weren’t so, but I miss this team,” the justicar answered, taking a seat beside Liara.

“We were just talking about some of Shepard’s most memorable lines,” Garrus said.

“Meanwhile, you’re famous for wise words such as “If anyone needs a fresh clip or a bathroom break, now’s the time”,” Samara replied.

“Group mother, for the win!” Jack yelled.

“I resent that,” Garrus muttered.

“I remember you telling Vega and I to stay hydrated back on Menae,” Shepard whispered back.

“You humans need more water to function than other species. I was making sure you didn’t die of heat exhaustion,” he answered.

“Aww, how sweet. I love you,” she sighed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“Yeah yeah, I love you, too.”

“Did you always have to wrestle that statement out of him, Commander?” Samara asked.

“The first time he ever said it was when I was about to go kick some Reaper ass without him,” Shepard sighed.

“I’m not surprised, Garrus. I’m just disappointed,” Tali muttered.

“I really am sorry about that,” Garrus said. He squeezed Shepard hand.

“It’s okay, Garrus,-“

“There’s no Shepard without Vakarian,” Miranda finished.

“How and why do you know that one?” Shepard growled.

“Guilty,” Garrus answered. She raised an eyebrow at him. “I may or may not have repeated it a few times when we first got back to the Citadel.”

“If that’s the only quote of mine that’s remembered, I’ll die happy,” she said.

“Food’s here!” Vega interrupted.

The waitress set the tray of tamales in front of Shepard. She thanked her and dug in.

“I know that this seems like empty praise, but this is so good!” Shepard said upon finishing her first tamale.

“You’ll be happy to know that mí abuela is the chef,” Vega replied.

“I didn’t know your grandma lived on the Citadel,” she commented between bites.

“She was a refugee from Earth, and she set up shop pretty soon after she arrived.”

“That reminds me. Shepard. I did some digging and found Hannah,” Zaeed interjected.

“Oh my god. Where is she? Is she safe?” Shepard pleaded for answers.

“Does she know that her daughter is a war hero several times over?” Garrus asked.

“Quiet, you,” she growled.

“She got into a contract on Illium three years ago to get money to support herself for a while. She just got out of it a few months ago. She found a way to find me and hopefully you as soon as she could. She’ll try to be at your wedding, but there are no guarantees,” Zaeed explained.

“Thank you, Zaeed. I can’t wait to meet her. I’ll probably knock her on her ass for leaving me at a child slave center, but other than that, I want to know who she is now,” Shepard said.

“Are we going to proceed with such serious conversation topics?” EDI inquired.

“Sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. Practically come back from the dead twice and you tend to ask questions,” Shepard replied.

“Wait. The doctors declared you dead at some point?” Garrus interrupted.

“Yes, honey. They did.”

“Honestly, people should start calling you The Immortal Commander at this point,” Tali sighed.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you lived to two hundred years,” Liara added.

“I actually might with the Cerberus modifications,” Shepard said.

“I’d love to think of all the trouble you’d get yourself into,” Garrus suggested.

“You’ll be there to bail me out,” she answered.

“I don’t think I can ever get used to you doting on a colleague, Commander,” Traynor sighed.

“I’m not “doting”, Specialist Traynor,” Shepard corrected.

“Yes, you totally are,” Joker laughed.

“Wow. Okay. I didn’t realize I’d gotten so soft. Might need you guys to take me to the shooting range or something because I’m losing my edge,” she mumbled.

“Yeah. People will start to think they can fuck with you,” Jack replied.

“Says the psychotic biotic turned teacher,” Shepard countered.

“Ooooooohhh, you’ve still got it, Lola.”

The rest of the meal was mostly uneventful. Garrus helped Shepard back up to her hospital suite. She maneuvered herself back into bed.

“You think we could try to get another mattress in here?” Shepard chuckled. He paused.

“You really missed me that much, Alicia?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah. I never want to think about losing you again, so I guess that’s made me kind of…clingy? Dependent?” she said.

“Still having nightmares, Shepard?”

Shepard covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes until she could look him in the eye again.

“Yes. Worse now. I’m working on it with a therapist, but sometimes it doesn’t just resolve. It comes back, and I’m left just lying here until my body calms down,” she explained.

“I’ll go ask about that mattress. I want to be with you no matter what,” he answered.

Shepard gingerly rolled over onto her side and watched him until he disappeared through the door. She closed her eyes and cuddled the pillow beneath her. Garrus came back with an extra mattress, setting it on the floor next to Shepard’s hospital bed. He laid a soft kiss against her cheek.

“Sleep well, Shepard,” Garrus whispered before he laid on the mattress next to hers.

~~~~~~~

Shepard woke up struggling for breath, as though she were being strangled. She launched her palm into the chest of her attacker.

“Shepard! Alicia,” Garrus pleaded before backing off.

She took a few deep breaths and sat up carefully. Shepard ran a hand through her hair to remind herself that she was alive. Never safe. Could never be safe. But alive.

“Bad dream. It was just a dream. And then a panic attack,” she muttered. She attempted not to cry, but failing that, Shepard tugged the blanket up to her chin.

“How often do those happen?” he asked. His hand hovered over her hair. She nodded in assent. Garrus pet her soothingly. Shepard welcomed the touch.

“It’s gotten down to about twice a week. Used to happen every night. The nurses set me up with a therapy cat when it was that bad,” Shepard sighed. She grabbed for her water, but it was a little out of reach. Garrus scooted the water to her hand.

“I don’t believe I’m familiar with cats. Are they like the dogs on Earth?” Garrus pressed.

“I mean, they’re both mammals. Cat hair is softer. Cats can be a bit more temperamental if you don’t know how to handle them. They purr,” she answered.

“What is “purr-ing”?”

“Their throats vibrate a little and make a kind of brrr sound,” Shepard said, rolling her Rs to demonstrate.

“Oh. Like this?” He proceeded to purr. It almost sounded like a cat, but it was a more gravelly noise.

“Yeah! Kind of like that. Depending on the human, that sound is really calming,” she added.

“Yourself included?” Garrus asked.

“Yes…can you keep doing that?”

“Anything for you, Shepard. Turians only “purr” around people we’re close to. It’s a bonding activity,” he answered.

“Well don’t you know how to make a girl feel special,” she joked.

They sat in silence while Garrus held her. There was only the sound of saccades and his purring.

“Liara told me that you’re captaining the Normandy right now,” Shepard said.

“Joker asked me to. He said something about how I’m the only one the Commander would accept steering her ship,” Garrus sighed.

“Fair point. Thanks for not letting the Alliance put another person there.”

“You’ll get on your feet someday, and I wanted to make sure the old girl would be there when you got back,” he said.

“So…what all did they recover when they found me?” she asked.

“Your dog tags are intact. I was able to get your weapons working again, though they’re a little worse for wear. Your armor was completely decimated. Nobody knew how you survived long enough to get to the med bay,” Garrus replied.

“Essentially, I was in a coma for a week. I couldn’t feel or see or hear anything. It was almost like death, except no afterlife,” Shepard commented.

“Damn shame, too. Could have let us know how Krios is doing over there,” he muttered.

“Actually, he was able to get the cure in time! He was actually in recovery a few doors down until he got released about a month ago,” she sighed.

“Oh thank the Spirits. I’m glad that he’s doing okay. I…seem to remember that you used to have a thing for him?” Garrus began.

“Yes. He was new and exciting, but we didn’t have the history for me to completely trust him. Not like with you and me. I have some feelings for him, and I still feel bad about leading him on,” Shepard explained.

“You weren’t leading him on, Shepard. You wanted someone different. That being said, have you gotten the chance to visit him?” he said.

“Not yet. I wasn’t ready to see anyone at that point. He left a note to come see him if I could. I really don't know what’s so appealing about me.”

“You really care about other people. You make your rounds because you want to know what people are thinking, and you don’t get mad, no matter their answer. Jokes aside, you are a people person. You’re fun to talk to. You’re so determined and confident, and I’d say that people are drawn to those things,” Garrus suggested.

“Yourself included, I’m guessing?” she yawned.

“Always,” he answered.

Shepard laid herself back down slowly. Garrus tucked her in, being careful not to move her legs very much.

“Get some more sleep, honey,” Garrus ordered

When Shepard woke up again, the “sunlight” was filtering through the blinds around her room. The turian was not where he had been when she went back to sleep. There were a few second when she thought he might have been kidnapped or dead or-he walked through the door with a tray of breakfast. Eggs and bacon. Shepard must have looked a little more than worried in the eyes. Garrus set the tray down across her lap and leaned down to kiss her. He held her cheek. She leaned in as though on reflex.

“Thought you might want some better breakfast after a couple months of hospital food,” Garrus sighed.

“Much appreciated. Leave a note or something next time,” Shepard ordered. He nodded and took a seat beside her.

“When does your therapist get here?” he asked.

“Nine. We have an hour to kill,” she said. Shepard ate in silence, letting Garrus update her on what trouble he and the crew got into within two months without her.

Most of the work centered around stabilizing colonies and planets that had been hit especially hard. They went to work rebuilding settlements, assisting with resources, and finding homes for refugees. Garrus helped organize the efforts on human colonies personally. Basically, her crew was doing everything she would have done were she conscious and able to work.

Garrus told stories about giving people a place to live and seeing the light fill their eyes, the hope that Shepard had given them for the future. Merely the mention of the Normandy brought smiles to peoples’ faces. They knew the ship and her commander brought salvation.

“Guess I’m a legend, now,” Shepard laughed.

“Well, I think you’re amazing, and with everything you’ve done so far, you’ve earned it,” Garrus snarked.

“You guys deal with any mercs? Or is everything really at peace now?” she asked.

“I wish I could say it were the latter. The team and I have confronted any gangs that posed a threat to the colonists, but we’ve been too busy to travel the galaxy in search of evildoers. That being said, Zaeed has taken back control of the Blue Suns and is doing right by you,” he said. Shepard paused for a few moments.

“I want you guys to get back out there while I recover,” she decided.

“Sorry, honey. Joker’s adamant about staying until you get back on your feet. Says he wants to motivate you all the way.”

“That’s nothing he can’t do over a comm link. I’ll call you guys back when I feel confident about my chances in that foot race,” Shepard suggested.

“I’ll pitch him the idea while you’re in therapy. You’re sure about this, though?” he asked.

“You guys are doing everything I want to be doing. You keep it that way, and I’ll be right there with you as soon as I can.”

“I’ll call you every night, sweetheart,” Garrus promised.

“Every other night, please. Sometimes I need a night to myself, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” she explained.

“It’s no trouble, Shepard. I’ll get out so that Konstantinov can do her miracle work,” he said. Garrus leaned down and kissed her cheek one more time before he left.

Joker and EDI arrived in the middle of Shepard’s therapy session. Joker promptly began yelling encouragements as she walked liltingly with the assistance of two wooden bars. Konstantinov sighed and let him continue. After about half an hour of this, Shepard successfully returned to her bed and brought her water over to herself.

“I see that your biotic capabilities have been recovering exponentially better than your physical condition,” EDI remarked.

“Gotta love that vote of confidence,” Shepard muttered.

“I did not mean to suggest that I don’t think you will be able to recover well enough in three months. Joker wanted to bet and simply required an opponent,” EDI said.

“No hard feelings, EDI. I thought as much.”

“So, you want the crew and I to go back to doing missions?” Joker asked.

“You guys can’t just wait around for me to get better. Garrus told me what the crew’s been doing, and I want you to continue that if at all possible,” Shepard confirmed.

“Garrus told me your comm link idea. We may be going into areas where it isn’t safe to discuss you on an open channel,” Joker said.

“Feel free to open up a secure channel with some of the money from my stipend. Saved the entire galaxy and got the credits to prove it.”

“Whatever you say, Commander. I want to be there in spirit for most of your therapy sessions,” he said.

“Just do whatever the scheduled missions allow, Joker,” Shepard ordered.

“Yes, ma’am. We’ll depart as soon as possible,” Joker replied. Joker and EDI turned to go.

“And Joker.”

“Yes?” He glanced over his shoulder.

“Take care of Garrus for me.”

“I can’t have your fiancé dying before you get married,” Joker sighed. Shepard deadpanned at him. “I’ll look after him, Shepard. No worries there.”

“Thank you, Joker. For everything,” Shepard said.

“Wow. You are getting sappy. Call me when you need to hear me cheering you on,” he said. EDI closed the door behind him.

Shepard sent a message to Thane. It simply said: “Hey, are you free right now? I just got out of therapy.”

A few minutes later, a reply from Thane said, “Yes, Shepard. I will come over immediately.”

The sight of Thane’s face at the door brought in a rush of emotions. She missed him so much. Seeing him in the hospital after the fight with Kai Leng felt like a stab to the heart. And then there were feelings. Troubling feelings for a newly engaged woman to deal with.

“It is good to see you again, siha,” he said as he sat in a chair next to her bed.

“I think it would be best if you didn’t call me that,” Shepard ordered. Her throat tightened at the look of sadness on his face.

“Of course, Shepard. I know you are with Garrus, and you are engaged to be married,” Thane replied.

She was about to ask who told him about the proposal. “Liara?”

“For the Shadow Broker, she’s not very good at keeping information a secret,” he joked. Shepard laughed a little harder than she probably should have.

“Tali’s my maid of honor,” she sighed.

“It seems that I owe her money, now,” Thane muttered.

“Everyone bet against Tali. Credits where credits are due,” Shepard answered.

“I am glad that you are happy, si-Shepard,” he said. There was a moment of silence. Shepard reached over and took Thane’s hands.

“You are still important to me, okay?” she whispered.

“It is as you say: “No worries”, Shepard. For speaking with Salarian scientists about curing Keprals Syndrome, I owe you my life. I can put aside my jealousy over whom you choose to marry,” Thane explained.

“Yes, but I still love you. I love Garrus, but I also love you. It’s all so confusing and-“

“Siha. I believe that you are experiencing polyamorous feelings,” he interrupted.

“Yes, but-“ Thane cupped her cheek in his hand.

“If drell were truly monogamous, I would not have been able to have such strong feelings for you. Expecting to have only one love in your life is…unrealistic. You have been lucky enough to find two,” Thane continued.

“Okay. But what about Garrus?” she asked.

“What you decide to do with your persisting feelings about me are better left between you and him. When you have made your decision, I will not be angered at the result. I only hope that you will consult him,” he finished.

“Thank you, Thane. I should probably talk to him before he leaves the Citadel, right?” Shepard said.

“That would be wise. Would you like for me to come back some other time?” Thane asked as he turned to go.

“Yes, please. I need to deal with this now before I have a chance to think about it,” she replied.

“I shall see you later, siha,” he said. He closed the door behind him.

She was in the middle of messaging Garrus when he came through the door.

“I wanted to see you one more time before the Normandy departs,” he explained. Garrus sat beside her.

“We..uh. We need to talk,” Shepard said. She must have looked flushed. Garrus took her hand.

“Sure. What do you want to talk about?” he asked, adjusting his tone to the mood she was setting. Eyes full of concern and love for her.

“Remember how I said I still have feelings for Thane?” she started. Garrus cast his eyes down. “No! No. I didn’t cheat on you. I just. I love both you and Thane, and as much as I wish I could ignore my feelings for him, I can’t.”

Shepard was near tears. “Alicia,” he said gently. Garrus wiped her tears and kissed her cheek.

“As far as I know, multiple humans dating and marrying one another isn’t a common practice in your culture, so it might be a bit difficult to understand. Some species such as turians, drell, and asari are frequently polyamorous. Granted, for asari, it usually isn’t multiple partners at the same time, but I digress. The point is that it is completely normal for you to have feelings for multiple people at the same time, and if you would like to marry Thane as well…Well, you could have worse taste in men,” he elaborated.

“I love you so much, Garrus,” Shepard said, leaning her forehead against his.

“I love you too, Alicia. Thank you for being honest with me about this. If I’m being honest, some of my conversations with Krios were more of the…romantic sort as well, but flirting with multiple people in my culture is sort of normal,” Garrus answered.

“Ah. You must have been so confused in the conversation where I was choosing you,” she giggled.

“Frankly, I pegged myself for the mostly monogamous type, but for Krios and you, I’d be more than willing to make an exception,” he sighed.

“I’m glad to hear it, Garrus,” Thane said. He was leaning against the doorway.

“Wow. This isn’t working out like the romance novels at all,” Shepard muttered.

“You read romance novels, Shepard?” Garrus asked.

“Had to find some way to blow off steam while you were in the middle of calibrations,” she growled. Thane chuckled a little.

“Fair enough. How do they usually work out?” he said.

“Usually it’s a fight to the death for the lady’s hand,” Shepard replied.

“I’d prefer if that weren’t part of this evening’s activities,” Thane suggested.

“Agreed,” Garrus added.

“You probably have to get back to the Normandy for departure soon, right?” Shepard sighed. He patted her cheek and stood up.

“I’ll call you tomorrow night, honey,” Garrus said.

“Let me know where you go just in case,” she ordered. Garrus leaned down to kiss both her and Krios in turn. He left without further discussion.

“Well…that went better than expected,” Shepard breathed.

“I, uhm, I would say so,” Thane said.

“I hadn’t realized that you and Garrus were so close,” she commented.

“I had not anticipated being able to make very many friends, but Garrus came by in much the same manner that you did,” he answered.

“Huh…I guess I started to rub off on him.”

“In much the same way that you have on me, siha,” he quipped.

“I love you too, Thane,” Shepard said.

“Would you like for me to go bring something for lunch?” Thane asked.

“No. I’m starting to get used to actual civilian food, and I’m going to be in the hospital for a while yet. Besides, when I get back to full mobility, I’ll be back to the military diet,” she answered.

“You’re not going to retire?” he muttered.

“There’s still so much to finish up before I can be done. I have to help people get their lives back in any way I can,” Shepard replied.

“You’ve already done so much, siha. You deserve to rest.”

“I’ve rested for two months, Thane. If I wanted to retire, I could go live in a nice house on a tropical property that I won back when I was fighting Saren or in Captain Anderson’s, now my, apartment. I don’t want to retire when there’s so much good I left to do. Whole planets were uprooted by the Reapers, and the political state may explode if I’m not there to negotiate,” she ranted.

“Alicia,” he pleaded. His hand rested on her shoulder, “I’m with you all the way. I just wanted to know that this choice is yours.”

“Thank you, Thane. You’re the one I go to when I need rest,” Shepard assured him. He smiled as though nothing could go wrong in the world.

“I shall return tomorrow, siha,” Thane said, kissing her hand. She nodded and let him leave. Shepard never want to say goodbye to Thane. It seemed like if she did, she lost him somehow.


	3. Lightweights

Shepard jogged down the hallway and back. The action bore little strain, but that was accomplished. It was something gained over months of practice. Again and again until she could run without so much as a twinge.

“How in the hell did you manage to do that in three months, Commander?” Joker wheezed. He leaned against the wall far behind her.

“Worked every goddamn day. Worked in between therapy sessions. Kept stretching. Kept exercising. Started to eat the same as I would on the Normandy,” Shepard answered. She walked circles around him simply because she could.

“It shows,” Traynor commented.

“Getting my muscle back?” Shepard asked.

“Starting to gain some around the middle,” she countered.

“More fat collects there for women. Doesn’t mean I don’t have a killer eight pack, but hey. That’s biology,” Shepard mused.

“You look fantastic, honey,” Garrus said. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hugged her.

“Time to get back to where I can beat Vega’s record again,” she sighed.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down. Huh, Lola?” Vega muttered.

“About how much can you deadlift right now, Shepard?” Jack asked.

“…Forty pounds,” Shepard growled.

“Wow you’re scrawny,” she said. Miranda elbowed Jack in the rib. “Am I wrong?”

“Konstantinov never said recovery would be easy,” Shepard answered.

“Before we get to work, though, you deserve a break,” Garrus suggested.

“Garrus, I can’t-“

“No arguments. We’re hitting the bar!” Joker interrupted, tugging her along.

“I hate you all,” Shepard grumbled.

“You can thank us later,” Thane said.

“Fine, but my dancing hasn’t gotten any better,” Shepard joked.

“That was never a question,” Liara sighed.

“I’m so hurt. Somebody grab a doctor. Oh wait. You are a doctor, what the hell?”

The party walked to Purgatory, cracking a few more jokes about Shepard’s physique. As they entered, Shepard heard a few people marveling at her presence. She would never get used to that. It was as though she were a goddess to these people. Maybe in some cultures she would be. Now that was a scary thought.

“Are you alright, siha?” Thane whispered.

“It’s nothing,” Shepard lied. Thane didn’t believe her, but he said nothing for the time being.

Tali bought the rounds. She was still rich from the bets she’d won. If anything in Shepard’s body held up the most, it was her alcohol tolerance. Everyone knew that the woman could drink any of them under the table and through the floor. There was a rumor that she only drank ryncol because anything else was too weak for her. It wasn’t true of course, but she could survive ryncol better than any human in the galaxy.

That didn’t mean that some of her crew wasn’t willing to try.

“Everything is fuzzzzy,” Tali muttered after precisely one drink. Vega dragged Cortez and Trainer back to the Normandy after half of a shot each. He returned for Kaiden and Tali shortly after.

“The lightest lightweights to ever lightweight, everybody,” Liara said.

“You’re one to talk,” Garrus answered.

“Well-played, Garry-beary,” she replied. Liara laid her head on the bar.

“Another,” Miranda ordered as clear as a bell. Her biotics gave her some advantage, but a few drinks later, she was hiccuping and giggling.

Garrus, Thane, Shepard, and Vega were the only ones left at 10 pm.

“I’m pleasantly surprised, Vega,” Shepard said.

“What can I say, Lola? I hold my liquor,” Vega sighed. He twirled the straw for his drink around a little bit.

“Hic! You know, I don’t know how I’m still conscious right now. This much alcohol would nearly kill other drell,” Thane mused.

“That’s just a testament to how hungover you’ll be in the morning,” Garrus said.

“Amen,” Shepard added.

“Ok so I just need you guys to know that I love you guys,” Thane began. Shepard giggled.

“What’s so funny, honey?” Garrus asked.

“It’s a human cliché to get drunk and say sappy stuff. It happens in all the old vids,” Vega explained.

“That is so “sweet”!” Thane replied.

“Okay, you’re getting loopy, Thane. I’d say it’s time to turn in for the night,” Shepard ordered. She stood up on wobbling knees.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered. He stood up to try and steady her but almost tripped over his own feet.

“Yeah. Nooooooo idea,” Garrus said.

“Let’s get you lovebirds back to your apartment,” Vega suggested.

“No. Let’s drop you off at the Normandy first,” Shepard protested.

The drunken soldiers meandered back to the docking bay before wandering to the residential area. It felt good to drown their sorrows for one night. It didn’t matter what it would feel like in the morning. The trio got undressed and flopped into bed on good authority that they’d wake up in each others arms bright and early for training tomorrow.

~~~~~~~

Shepard startled as she woke up. She looked left and right at the turian and the drell sleeping on her. All of this felt right and safe. Like this was exactly where she was meant to be.

She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. 7:23 am. The crew set up training for eight.

“Morning, Alicia,” Garrus muttered. He sat up slowly in an attempt to get his bearings.

“How long have you been awake?” Shepard giggled.

“Two hours. Why do you two have to sleep for so long?” he complained. Shakily, Garrus got dressed and headed to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

“Must you two speak so loudly?” Thane grumbled.

“What did I tell you? Hangover,” Shepard sighed. She leaned over and kissed his forehead before she got dressed as well. Her armor felt foreign on her skin. It looked like her old armor, but the finish was too shiny. There weren’t the specific scratches where she remembered them. It hadn’t been what she’d been through.

“Siha?” Thane shook her shoulder a little.

“I’m okay,” she lied and walked into the kitchen.

Shepard grabbed the frying pan for eggs and bacon. She tried making dextro food back on the Normandy a few times, but it either ended in disaster or tasted terrible. It’s a bit more difficult to cook food when you can’t taste it. Luckily, drell had levo DNA, and human breakfast foods were some of Thane's favorites.

Thane watched her as she cooked. He scanned for any abnormality in her mannerisms. Yet her body language revealed nothing. She looked as she always did. Maybe that moment of pause as Shepard put on her armor was a fluke, just a hiccup. But then, a crack. She let the eggs stay in the pan for too long. When she looked down again, there was brown and black. Shepard turned off the stove.

“I like them crispy,” she excused.

“You like your bacon crispy. You like your eggs scrambled with cheese,” Thane corrected. Shepard said nothing and cooked up Thane’s eggs.

“Arms or legs today?” Garrus asked.

“Arms. Then sparring. Then target practice. Stretch. Lunch,” Shepard listed off.

“I say you need to find a hobby or something,” Garrus suggested.

“You said you liked painting?” she said.

“It’s been a while, but yes. You need something like that. Keeps you sane.”

“The mom from the family that fed me sang while she cooked, and I learned to imitate her.”

“You sing?” Thane said incredulously.

“The best thing about the captain’s shower is being able to sing,” Shepard joked.

“I’ve known you for three years, give or take, and I’ve never heard you sing,” Garrus grumbled.

“I’m not that good, to be honest. It’s mostly stress relief.”

“Trust me. What I know about singing mostly comes from drunken shanties,” he answered.

“Drell can’t sing. That is something that I envy about the two of you,” Thane sighed.

“No worries, Thane. Your voice is music to my ears,” Shepard said, leaning close to his ear.

“You are truly shameless, Shepard,” Garrus laughed.

Shepard led the way back to the Normandy, going straight down to Vega’s workout area. Tali, Joker, and Cortez gathered for encouragement purposes. The rest of the crew carried on until it was their turn. Shepard started with thirty pounds at five reps per set.

“You call that a rep, Commander?” Joker yelled. Shepard tried again. “There you go. Just like that!”

“You are enjoying this way too much,” Shepard growled.

“Says the woman who can’t do half a pull-up right now, let alone 183,” Vega answered. She set the bar back with a huff.

“Need water, thaspa?” Garrus asked.

“I think my translator glitched. What did you say?” Shepard joked after she took a few swigs.

“Oh, right. It’s this really sour fruit from Palaven. Turians say it to their significant other as some would say sweety or honey because you humans like sweet food,” he explained.

“Wow that’s sappy,” Shepard laughed. She went straight into her next set.

“You’re one to talk,” Thane shot back.

“Call me a romantic,” she grumbled when she finished.

“You wanna go toe-to-toe with me, Shepard?” Garrus challenged.

“Maybe when I’m back to full force. For now, Vega, you’re up,” Shepard said.

“Woah woah woah. I’m at least as good as Garrus,” he protested.

“…No comment,” Garrus muttered.

For a few exchanges, they felt each other out. Against all odds, Shepard’s left hook was still killer. She doubled over for a few seconds when Vega jabbed her in the stomach. When he put his guard down, she subdued him to his knees. Cortez cheered as though they’d just defeated a Reaper.

“You’ve still got the stuff, Lola. Just gotta work on beefing you up again,” Vega sighed. He worked his jaw a little bit from where she’d punched him.

“Konstantinov said I’d lose muscle memory for stuff like this, but I’d say that most of it’s still there,” Shepard answered while she unwrapped her hands.

“Let’s hope that the same is true for firing a gun, Shepard,” Garrus said.


	4. "Nothing"

Shepard felt as though she was back. Truly back. She wore her heavy armor with the strut that she’d had before Akuze. This was her prime, and she wasn’t going to miss it.

But as she walked onto the stage in all of her glory, Shepard realized she was alone in the universe. That nobody on her team, not even her boyfriends, understood what it was like to have the weight of the universe on their shoulders. They could empathize. They could try to understand. None of them could get it. None of them could take it away.

She stood in front of the microphone and took a deep breath. These people were all here for her. This ceremony and party were in her honor, after all. They didn’t need to know about the internal breakdown. None of them needed to see the Commander broken. Her enemies didn’t need to see it. Her friends didn’t need to see it. None of them.

“Thank you all so much for this incredible honor. As a girl who grew up without a family on Earth, to be standing here as a champion, a savior, a hero. That is something incredible. I do not claim to have done anything alone. Some of the mercenaries I’ve shot would say otherwise, but I digress,” Shepard paused here.

“The Alliance has given me something I never could have hoped for: family and friends that care about me. This connection between species, between people, must not be forgotten as we march forth into the vast unknown. We must continue to leave our walls behind because we won! We saw the largest threat in the galaxy and defeated it together. Now let’s make sure we do the right thing with this victory. Thank you,” she finished. Shepard bowed and walked off the stage to her crew’s tables.

As the next speaker stepped onto the stage, her omnitool’s message function buzzed. Shepard apologized quietly as she read it. The message was from Thane, who had been sitting right beside her a moment ago.

“Meet me in the garden, siha,” it said. Shepard excused herself to the bathroom. She walked outside to Thane, her pulse rushing.

“Yes? What is it, Thane?” she began in the silence.

“Siha, I fear that there is something troubling you,” Thane answered. He took her hands in his.

“It’s-"

“Nothing,” he finished. Shepard looked down. “That is what you always say when I attempt to broach the subject, but I believe that you need to speak before you implode upon yourself.”

“You’re wondering about the scene I was having on stage?” Shepard sighed.

“Your eyes wide before returning to normal. Scared. No, hiding,” Thane recalled.

“I’m a hero, a god to some people. Nobody understands what it’s like to have people immediately throw themselves at your mercy without even shaking your hand. I’m not used to it, and I don’t want to get used to it. Not when there’s so much that I’ve done wrong. Not when people no longer see me as imperfect. Instead, I’m a living legend, and I have no right to be,” Shepard sobbed. Thane held her. He didn’t speak. He didn’t judge. He held her as she cried into his chest.

“Shhh, shhh. Alicia. I think you need to go back to therapy. Your mind has not been healed as your body has,” he suggested.

“My therapist is booked from now until spring of next year. Treating the Commander does wonders for your career,” she whimpered.

“That does not mean that we cannot find someone new. Like you said, nobody said that recovery would be easy. That goes for your body and your mind,” Thane whispered.

“Yes. You’re right. I’m just going to wait until after the wedding because it’s so soon.” Thane nodded and kept soothing her until her breathing calmed.

“Thank you so much, Thane. I don’t think I can go back in there,” Shepard said.

“I will tell Garrus what happened,” he assured.

“Yes. Let’s just head back to the apartment.”

The pair talked the whole way back about all the things that Shepard freaked out about. The nightmares. The survivor’s guilt. The pressure of having to be perfect for diplomacy’s sake. All of it. By the time they reached their apartment’s door, Shepard was exhausted. She wiped off her makeup and fell into bed.

But she didn’t sleep.

~~~~~~~~

Finding a venue that lent itself to a wedding for three people proved much more difficult than any of them anticipated. They didn’t want any of them to wait at the alter for the other two. Having Garrus and Thane wait for Shepard felt wrong. Eventually, Tali found a conference hall with three entrances on Earth. Zaeed would walk with Shepard. Garrus’ mother would walk with him. Kolyat would walk with Thane.

None of them had any idea what kind of ceremony they would have, so they opted to do all three in succession. The Christian and drell ceremonies were remarkably similar, but the turian ceremony created a few unforeseen issues.

The couple was supposed to choreograph and perform a dance. Rather obviously, there were three of them, and Shepard could barely dance with one partner. Luckily for the trio, EDI downloaded some dance modules involving three people. Not so luckily was the fact that Shepard could not move like EDI no matter how hard she tried. Tali took it upon herself to demonstrate.

“I…am not straight,” Shepard whispered.

“You’re marrying two men a week from now,” Liara laughed.

“I know. Doesn’t mean I’m straight,” she answered.

“What are you guys talking about?” Tali asked.

“Nothing!” they answered in stereo. Tali shrugged and carried on dancing.

“She has absolutely no right to move her hips that well, Liara,” Shepard grumbled.

“If you do it just like that, you’ll be fine,” Liara sighed.

“Are you okay with this, Liara? You don’t have to come to my wedding if you don’t want to.”

“Shepard. Before we were dating, we were good friends. After we broke up, we were still great friends. Do you honestly think that I’d miss my best friend’s wedding just because of a past infatuation?” she mused.

“I guess not. Thank you, Liara. I’m glad you’re here,” Shepard said.

“I still love you, Alicia, and if that means that you will be happier with others, I have no issue with that,” Liara answered, reaching over to hold her hand.

Shepard’s dress was white with sapphire accessories. She’d never had any formal events growing up, and very few arose when she joined the military. Shepard never imagined that she would ever wear a ballgown. For a while during her time with Cerberus, she wondered if she would ever get married in the first place. If after the suicide mission and everything she’d been through, that she and Garrus would ever be able to settle down enough for something like this.

So here Shepard was, standing outside the door to the hall in which she was getting married in five minutes, hyperventilating.

“Okay. I have to calm down. Like right now,” Shepard breathed.

“Do you need us to wait for a few minutes?” Miranda asked.

“No! No. I have to go out there in five minutes or the other two will just call the whole thing off for today. And everybody is already here and gathered so I can’t just make them wait,” she said.

“Let me through! Get outta my way,” Zaeed growled, bashing his way through Shepard’s friends.

“Dad, please don’t,” Shepard muttered.

“Shepard, are you okay?” he asked, taking her shoulders.

“Yes. I think I just need some water.” She tapped her thumb along her knuckles, breathing in time. Tali passed the commander a glass of water. She swallowed it down before fixing her lipstick again.

“I know this doesn’t seem like the best time, but I need to give you some advice before you get married,” Zaeed began. Shepard looked up at him. This was the most serious she’d ever seen him. “It’s okay if you screw this up because they’ll love you regardless.”

“Thanks, Zaeed. I think I’m ready to go,” she answered. Shepard paused for a moment before hugging him. “You didn’t screw up too bad either.”

“Thirty seconds until drop,” Tali reported.

Shepard stood up straight and grabbed the bouquet of blue and green roses. Zaeed took her arm as the grand double doors opened. The crowd consisted of humans, drell, turians, and hanar. A stadium of people. She willed herself not to cry at her own wedding.

“You look beautiful,” Zaeed whispered. She felt a blush blooming on her cheeks.

Her eyes met Garrus’, and she tried to walk a little faster. Shepard rarely saw him out of his armor. There was something about the way the dark green tuxedo hugged him that made her do a once-over. Garrus saw her do this. He whispered something to his mother and she chuckled.

As she approached the altar, Shepard looked over at Thane. He filled the navy tuxedo nicely. She couldn’t help but grin. For a moment, everything was right. Kolyat gave her a sheepish smile. They were still working on talking with each other, like a stepmom and adoptive son are probably supposed to do.

“This one is here today to join three into one in a union unbreakable by time or space,” the hanar minister began. Shepard heard a laughter that sounded like bells. She kept her eyes forwards.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today with the purpose of bringing these three wonderful people into a bond of holy matrimony,” the human minster continued.

“I have never exactly officiated a turian-drell-human wedding, but the sentiments are mostly the same,” the turian minister joked. Shepard giggled.

“This one provides the witness for the love of the three. You may proceed with the vows when ready,” the hanar minister informed.

“As with the changes of the tides and the alignment of the universe, the definition of what can and cannot be holy have changed as well. While not common, such a union is completely pure in God’s eyes. May you love each other until the heat death of all existence. You may say your vows when you wish,” the human minister said.

“Do the vows before you dance. Actions prove love far more than words can, but that is not for me to judge. You may say your vows,” the turian minister concluded.

Thane took Shepard’s hand, taking a deep breath. “Siha, the winds of fate led me to you when I believed that my life had already ended. You healed me of my wounds and fought with me. As I fought for you, I began to love you, and that same love exists here today. If any of us should die before the others, I shall await you across the sea. I only wish that you will have me,” he began.

He turned to Garrus, trying to keep from smiling too much. “Arogy, most of what I am now I owe to you. Just as siha changed me, she changed you. In that, we are in much company. I cannot imagine any aspect of my life without you in it. You have helped me understand her changes, her mercy, as you have come to understand it. That is no small feat for anyone to accomplish, and you have helped me do the same. This is more than I could have ever asked for in my life, and you have given it to me. I only wish that you will continue to have me.”

“As I told Alicia when this was first negotiated, I always thought of myself as a complete monogamist, but trying to imagine myself, what I’d be, where I’d be, without either of you in my life is not a pleasant thought. Both of you have done so much for me, and I can only hope to return the favor when possible.  
Thane, you’ve become so selfless, sometimes to the point of self-destruction. If I keep you from that, I’ll have done my job. You’re so amazing and strong and caring. I’m so proud of you, and you’re the only other person I could ever dream of being in this with.  
Alicia. Trying to describe you is like trying to taste a cloud or feel like a flower. Both are absolutely impossible. You took me out of the mundanity of my life and brought me into something that has saved so many people. I’m so happy to have been on this journey with you, and to have somehow received your heart in the process. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I began to check my empathy at the door. That’s something I could never do now that you’re in my life,” Garrus thanked.

“There’s really no way to top either of those speeches, but I’m going to try anyways. I grew up with no family and few friends. Through a twisted turn of events, I’ve gotten a family, an army of friends, and two wonderful fiancés. I heard all of the old fairytales growing up by word of mouth, but I never thought that any of them would happen for me. While my life certainly hasn’t been a fairytale, my princes are here.  
Garrus. You’re one of my best friends in the entire galaxy. You’ve been with me since the beginning of this crazy mess. When I say there’s no Shepard without Vakarian, that isn’t an exaggeration. It’s fact. I can’t fight or continue or dance without you. And being with you is so much better than the alternative. Thane. I-“ Shepard cut off as tears filled her eyes. Garrus purred softly in her ear trying to calm her down.  
“I never wanted to leave you, but I felt I had to make a choice when I didn’t. You’re the best decision I’ve never had to make because you stay no matter what. Even when we’re apart, I still feel like you’re with me. I never want to be apart from you again if I can help it. You’re both people I want to spend the rest of my life with, however short or long that may be. I love both of you so much,” she managed to finish.

Out of the corner of her eye, the turian minister had started to tear up a little. He straightened up soon enough. “The three of you shall dance in order to demonstrate your love. Maestro, if you please.”

Their tango began with the three of them at opposite ends of the stage. They danced gracefully by themselves for a while until Shepard tripped, intentionally this time. Garrus danced to her and offered his hand. She took it and they began to dance together. Shepard appeared to take notice of Thane, still dancing by himself. She twirled away to dance with him. When she looked back, there Garrus stood with his hands crossed over his chest. Shepard leaned in to kiss Thane but was immediately pulled away. Garrus and Shepard journeyed around the stage as though walking on air. Shepard broke away. First she extended a hand to Thane. And then to Garrus. The three came together into a three person tango, neither jealous or unnatural. Like liquid flame until the song came to an end.

The crowd cheered wildly. Shepard hugged her husbands. They returned to the alter in order to be truly married.

“Drell, do you take this human and this turian to be your husband and wife? Until the void consumes you and you go to cross the sea into a happy immortality?”

“I do,” Thane said.

This carried on with Garrus and Shepard and through the other two ministers. Together, the ministers said, “I now pronounce you, men and wife. You may kiss.” Shepard reached up to kiss Garrus and then Thane, and they proceeded to kiss each other. The audience stood up and clapped. The trio exited hand in hand in hand, ready to start a happy new life together.

Once again, Shepard heard a laughter like bells. She excused herself to the bathroom. When she got there, a robust and busty woman uncloaked herself. Shepard knew who this woman was before she even opened her mouth.

“Hannah Shepard,” the woman introduced.

Something deep within Shepard made her punch this woman. She wanted to cry, but she also didn’t want to ruin her makeup. Her mother stood up again.

“Zaeed warned me that might happen. And here I thought you were a true paragon,” Hannah sighed.

“I’m so sorry. Do you need ice or water or anything? I just can’t believe that I’m meeting the woman that abandoned me in a place where I was nearly worked to death. And on my wedding day, no less!” Shepard rambled. The woman held her hands.

“I understand, Alicia. I don’t mean to ever excuse my actions. Nothing I did when I was younger was justified by any means. If I had known I was leaving you in such a terrible situation, I never would have done it. That may seem hollow, but please, believe me,” she pleaded. Shepard stared into her eyes. They were bright green, just like hers, and genuine. Maybe it was the familiarity, but she trusted those eyes.

“I accept your apology, Hannah,” Shepard answered. She drew her mother into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you. Everything you’ve done is amazing, and you’ve done it without me. I never could have imagined that you’d accomplish everything you have,” Hannah whispered.

“Thank you. There were times when I wanted to go back to violence, but if growing up on Earth has taught me anything, there’s always a better way,” she sighed.

“I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for you. And yet you’ve found two wonderful husbands for yourself!” her mother gushed.

“I’m so lucky. Please, I want you to come meet them,” Shepard requested.

“Oh, no. I only wanted to meet my wonderful daughter. Besides, I’m not one for high-society parties,” Hannah said.

“It’s not high-society, mom. It’s your daughter’s wedding. I want you to come meet the people I’m spending the rest of my life with,” she answered. Hannah nodded, allowing herself to be led into the party. “Guess who I found in the bathroom?”

“Hannah?” Zaeed asked.

“You’ve aged well, Zaeed,” she joked.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Mom. This is Garrus and Thane. Guys, this is Hannah Shepard,” Shepard introduced.

“A pleasure to be acquainted, ma’am,” Garrus said. He kissed the back of her hand.

“It is an honor to meet you, Ms. Shepard,” Thane added.

“I still can’t get over the fact that you’ve found two charmers, Alicia,” Hannah chuckled.

“You’re too kind,” Garrus said.

“Hannah, is that a bruise on your eye?” Zaeed asked. There was a moment of pause. “You didn’t, Shepard."

“What can I say? I’m true to my word,” Shepard joked sheepishly.

“You sucker-punched your own mother,” Thane laughed.

“I am so proud of you,” Zaeed said, patting Shepard’s shoulder.

“How on earth are you conscious right now?” Garrus asked.

“I have no idea,” she answered. “All I know is I had it coming.”

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and drinking and laughing. Soon enough, Shepard and Hannah retreated to a quiet bar. They sat together in quiet respect until Garrus and Thane took her back to the apartment.


	5. No rest for the wicked

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Garrus yelled. Thane looked at him questioningly. He’d just gotten dressed for the day.

“It means that she is nowhere on the Citadel, and she’s ceased all signals, incoming or outgoing, from her omnitool. She doesn’t want to be found,” Miranda answered.

“What has happened?” Thane asked. Garrus turned to him and took his shoulders in his hands.

“Shepard left on a different ship a few hours ago,” he replied. His voice broke. Thane hugged him close.

“Agory, she told me she was going to go for a morning walk. Perhaps she was kidnapped,” Thane said.

“No. No, she bought a ship with her own money. It’s nowhere near as good as the Normandy, but it’ll do for going places.”

“Where did she learn to fly a ship?” Thane muttered.

“Goes along with the N7 training,” Vega answered. His voice was hollow.

“Garrus, we’re going to help you find her. I’ve left Jack in charge of the biotic school,” Miranda assured.

“How are the students, by the way?” Thane asked.

“Wonderful. Thanks for asking. Let’s get going,” she grumbled. Miranda turned on her heel and began to walk back to the Normandy. Garrus and Vega followed directly behind. Thane locked the door to the apartment behind them.

“Any ideas on where she’s gone?” Garrus said, already knowing the answer.

“She could be anywhere. Thessia. Palaven. Rannoch. Tuchanka. Omega. Anywhere,” Miranda listed off.

“We can try Admiral Hackett to see if he knows anything. She might have come to him for resources,” Garrus suggested.

“I already checked,” Vega interrupted, “He has no idea where she is and ordered us to find her. Priority One.”

“Wherever she is, Shepard is going to do good,” Thane thought aloud.

“Right. Find and unmask any and all active vigilantes,” Miranda said.

“She may have decided to go somewhere to relax,” Vega sighed.

“Unlikely. She’s in top shape again. It’s possible, but she’s going to want back into the action,” Garrus snapped.

“She promised me she was going to go back to therapy. I cannot think of why she would do this,” Thane cried. Garrus stopped. He paced back to Thane and embraced him.

“Don’t worry, Thane. We’re not going to lose her again,” Garrus assured.

“Liara, Tali, Kasumi, and the rest of the crew are already on-board. Let’s move, loverboys,” Miranda ordered.

A month passed before anybody found a lead on Shepard. Wrex caught wind of a vigilante by the name of Amonkira raising hell for mercenaries and bandits on various colonies and Omega. They’d even been spotted on Tuchanka for a spell.

“It’s her,” Thane said.

“She’s not exactly subtle, is she?” Liara sighed.

“You’re one to talk, Liara. Come on. Omega will be her home base,” Garrus retorted.

They found Shepard’s apartment on Omega easily. Aria T’Loak served well in that endeavor. Something about “getting that damn paragon to stop interrupting her business”. Thane made no promises for that, but she did provide the address anyways.

Garrus knocked. “Alicia, I know you’re in there.”

No response.

“Siha, please, we want to understand what’s wrong,” Thane pleaded.

Still no response.

“Shepard, if you don’t open this damn door I will blast through it myself,” Liara called.

There was a strained, sob of a laugh from within. She coughed to compose herself.

“Liara can come in,” Shepard specified.

Liara entered hesitantly. The door had been unlocked for the entire exchange. Shepard locked it back again with her biotics as soon as the door closed behind her friend.

Needless to say, Shepard looked far different from the last time that Liara saw her. Shepard's hair grew long enough to be tied back into a warrior's wolf tail, though she kept it shaved down underneath. A sleeve of mechanical-looking tattoos encapsulated her right arm. She looked like grief restrained, and for a moment, Liara startled.

“So I guess you decided to disappear this time,” Liara accused. She drew herself up as she walked closer to Shepard.

“That’s close enough,” Shepard said, throwing up a kinetic barrier. Liara raised an eyebrow at her.

“Shepard. Why did you run away?”

“I needed some time to set a few things right without my crew or my husbands or the Alliance or the Council or the politicians looking over my shoulder. Plainly, I needed to run off for a while to recompose myself. To figure out who I’m supposed to be now that the big, universe-ending threat is gone. What happens to the highest-ranking military officer in a time of tentative peace?” she explained.

“Wait. You were promoted?” Liara confirmed.

“Yes. Admiral Hackett was chosen as the new human councillor. I’m now head of the Alliance Navy. The current project is to unite all species under one command. No pressure, right?” Shepard said. There was something in her tone that Liara couldn’t quite make out before, but now it hit her. Shepard was tired.

“What were you saying about there being so much work to maintain peace?” she joked. Shepard chuckled.

“Admiral Hackett informed me that he could handle it while I took some time off to reorient myself. He said that I needed to if I was going to be mentally okay for the job,” Shepard sighed.

“Huh. That’s something that he conveniently left out when we were madly searching for you over the past month,” Liara snapped.

“You weren’t able to find me because I hid my activity during all this time. I told Wrex when to tell you guys about my Amonkira guise. He understood why I needed to hold a sort of vigil. It’s something that especially violent krogan females who have recently been in a war do to adjust to the decreased level of violence,” she said.

“Ah. I believe that I’m familiar with the practice. You needed to do this because you believe that you are violent?”

“Yes. In comparison to the everyday politician, I am more violence than they will ever have the dishonor to see. If I came back and simply went about business as usual, I wouldn’t be able to cope. That’s why I was having those scenes and nightmares. I missed doing what I do best: putting down the bad guys. All I needed to do was go wreak some havoc on some mercs for a while so that I could slowly adjust to my normal levels of violence,” Shepard explained.

“And if any of the crew had followed you?” Liara proposed.

“I didn’t want any of them to be mixed up in my healing process. If I had told any of you, you would have wanted to come along, even if I told you the reasons,” she grumbled.

“That makes a sort of sense. But why the barrier now?"

“I haven’t allowed anyone to be this close to me in a month. It’s a process,” Shepard said.

“Fair enough. Would you like to come with us?” Liara asked.

“Yes. I need to go back to my crew. I’ve already rented out this apartment and sold that other ship.”

“Such a pity. You could have raised your own army, Shepard,” Garrus said from outside.

Something in her demeanor lightened, as though a weight were lifted from her shoulders. Shepard opened the door and fell into his arms. She dragged Thane into the hug as well.

“I love you guys. I needed to get a little more independent, okay?”

“Caused a little panic, honey. Nothing major,” Garrus complained.

“Don’t worry. It won’t happen again,” Shepard said, lifting the pair of them off the floor for a moment.

“Oh my,” Thane muttered. He would never be able to admit how hot that was, but the look on his face was enough.

“I’ll go to a few therapy sessions just in case, but until further notice, my mental state is stable with some adjustments,” Shepard decided.

“You’re talking about it as though any of us are really that stable,” Garrus said.

“We’ll have to be if we want to settle down and have children someday,” she mumbled.

“Wait. You would like to have children?” Thane asked.

“I took a lot of time to consider things while I was, you know, disrupting merc gangs, but yeah. Not yet. I don’t want to retire until I’m sure that things are going to be stable for at least the rest of our lives. God help the poor souls that make me come out of retirement,” Shepard mulled over as they made their way back to the Normandy.

“I just never thought that you’d be the mother type, really,” Garrus sighed.

“Being a mom and being a badass are one and the same. I was scared of being a mother when I was younger because I could never live up to that kind of role. Nobody is ever ready to be a parent, and those who think they can be are lying to themselves.”

“The same as ever, Shepard,” Liara giggled from behind them.

“Out of curiosity, how’s the politics been going lately?” Shepard said.

“Same as ever. Can never decide on anything and put everything off until the very last minute,” Garrus growled.

“Ah. They need my “get shit done” attitude back?”

“Yes. They are floundering in uncertainty without you to push things along,” Thane whined.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Council put off saving a person being crushed to death right in front of them until the last possible second,” Shepard chuckled.

“Morbid, but accurate,” Garrus assessed.

“They probably couldn’t lift the thing crushing the person to death with their strength and biotics combined,” Liara added.

“I wouldn’t go that far…Yes I would,” Shepard said.

“Always a charmer, Alicia,” Garrus sighed. He hugged her hard around the waist.

As they approached the Normandy, Miranda stood there with a datapad in one hand and a pistol in the other.

“Before I allow you back on the Normandy, what was the color of your underwear on your wedding day?” Miranda grumbled.

“Black with the N7 logo on the butt,” Shepard groaned.

Thane stood there in disbelief for a moment. Shepard winked and clicked her tongue as she jogged in.

“Security questions in case she’s a clone,” Miranda explained.

“Shepard asked for them?” Garrus assumed.

“Yes. Besides, she was the one that helped me get dressed. Only she would know,” Shepard sighed.

“Weren’t Garrus and I the ones who were supposed to be helping you get undressed?” Thane joked.

“I am both embarrassed and amused right now,” Shepard commented.

“Wait. So you guys didn’t sleep together on your wedding night?” Liara asked incredulously.

“I was tired,” Garrus sighed.

“You? Tired?” Miranda said.

“I know. I could hardly believe it either,” Thane replied.

“Hey Joker, we’re heading straight to the Citadel,” Shepard informed the obviously open intercom.

“Roger that, ma’am. By the way, about that N7 underwear…” Joker responded.

“Drop it now or I’m pushing you out the airlock,” Garrus teased.

“I know you’re joking, but I’m not gonna take that chance, so I’m just gonna get back to take-off procedures.”

Shepard marched herself into the crew area to grab something to eat. She was about to get some lunch before her crew mates arrived at her apartment. The people there gave a standing ovation.

“Pardon the wording, Shepard, but where in the bloody hell were you?” Traynor grumbled.

There was a momentary gasp from Tali. “Sorry. That means something entirely different in my language.” Traynor apologetically patted Tali’s shoulder.

“Had to go shoot some mercs to regain my sanity,” Shepard answered.

“Given the amount of political bullshit you’ll have to deal with over the next few days, I’m not surprised,” Vega sighed.

“Wish I’d taken you with me, Vega?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Next time. Definitely next time,” Shepard assured.

“Seriously, Shep. Have you heard about all that’s going on between the krogan and salarian councilors?” Tali asked.

“There’s a krogan councilor now?”

“You are very out of the loop, Shepard,” Liara commented.

“Yeah. No shit. Let me guess, threats of war?” Shepard said.

“Actually, quite the opposite. The two have been on rather…personal terms for a while. It hit the media a few days ago,” Miranda answered.

“Oh wow. That is the exact opposite of what I expected. Are they going to be replaced because of this?”

“It appears so, and your input on the candidates could have very severe consequences,” Miranda informed.

“Such as?”

“Depending on whom you choose, you could put off galactic war with the krogan for at least the next century or so,” Tali said.

“No pressure, right?” Shepard joked. The whole crew noticed the way she gripped the back of Traynor’s chair. White knuckles.

“Okay. As soon as all of this council business is done, Thane and I are taking you out for some fun,” Garrus promised. The tension eased from her shoulders.

“Thanks, guys. I’m too tired for this,” she sighed.

“You’ve done more than enough to deserve retirement,” Miranda suggested.

“Just have to get through this council stuff. And then making sure that reconstruction happens quickly,” Shepard answered.

“And then you’re done?” Thane asked.

“Hell no. I may be exhausted, but I still have stuff to do,” she said.

“No rest for the wicked,” Garrus sighed.

“Wow that reference is old. I’m almost impressed,” Shepard laughed. “Anyways, I’m going to go sleep. You guys have fun with whatever this reunion thing is.”

“Sleep well, Commander!” Joker yelled over his shoulder.


	6. "Good one"

Shepard had to physically restrain herself from rolling her eyes as the asari councillor chewed her out. This had been going on for five minutes straight. Did she even have enough brain cells for a speech of this capacity?

“-can’t just run off because your mental health is lacking-"

“Excuse me?” Shepard interrupted. Her glare stopped the councillor in the middle of a consonant. “Would you rather that I were coming apart at the seams? Would you rather that I be unable to control my violent urges? Would you rather that I be utterly dependent upon my spouses rather than the commander, now admiral, that saved all life? Whether you like it or not, councillor, I needed to take a break for both your safety and mine. Now, if you would like to continue to the actual purpose of this meeting, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“Alright,” the turian councillor began, “As you well know, the krogan and salarian councillors have been removed for misconduct, and we require your input before moving forwards. Do you have any recommendations for either councillor?”

“I believe that Urdnot Grunt would suit the position well,” Shepard answered.

“That was also Urdnot Wrex’s recommendation. Apparently, he has matured a calmed significantly since his last visit to the Citadel. …No comments shall be made upon that. We will take both of those recommendations into account,” the asari councillor said.

“As for the salarian councillor, Major Kirrahe is an excellent candidate if he would have the position,” she sighed.

“Thank you, Shepard. For everything. Meeting adjourned,” the turian councillor replied. Shepard walked back down to Garrus and Thane.

“You ready to go have some fun, Shepard?” Garrus asked.

“Honestly, can we just go to the shooting range or something? I need to blow off some steam,” she requested. Shepard saw the look on Garrus’ face at her last sentence. “Not one word, Vakarian.”

“Shooting range it is,” Thane said. He took both of them by the arm before Garrus could say some snarky comment.

“As soon as the new councillors are chosen, all this war talk might start up again,” Shepard grumbled. She cleaned off her gun a little bit before grabbing some of the noise-cancelling headphones.

“Who knows? Maybe they’ll be able to negotiate peace without your help,” Garrus joked. Shepard cackled so hard that Thane jumped.

“Good one,” she wheezed. She fired off a few rounds.

“You know, Shepard, you could still be the head of the Alliance on earth with children,” Garrus suggested.

“Yeah. I just never want them to be in any sort of danger. Granted, if we’re caring for them, they’ll already have a target on their backs,” Shepard sighed.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a wonderful mother, siha,” Thane answered.

“Thanks. Maybe we can try to adopt after I’m sure things are going to be stable for a while. I’m feeling a bit more optimistic about things staying quiet. Nobody wants to get into another war after the hell we all just went through,” she thought aloud.

“They’ll likely want input on more diplomatic solutions to problems, as they did before the whole mess with Saren started,” Garrus said.

“Hopefully, the discussion will be more inclusive. Not just of Admiral Hackett, but also for races that aren’t on the Council,” Shepard replied. “There are several other species that deserve a seat more than humans, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s very considerate of you, Shepard,” Thane complimented.

“It seems wrong that elcor and volus problems have to be taken care of by a wandering Spectre who just happens to be listening in,” she growled.

“It’ll get better, honey. And if it doesn’t on its own, you’ll be right there to make sure everyone is represented fairly,” Garrus assured. He kissed her cheek before heading off to fire a few rounds.

~~~~~~~

“The human adoption agency said that a three-person family unit “wouldn’t be suitable for a younger child”. Entitled, narrow-minded bastards,” Shepard yelled into the living room of her apartment.

“Well, the turian and drell agencies have each cleared us for a kid. Are there any other possibilities for human adoption?” Garrus asked.

“I checked all of them. It took two hours, and none of them said that we’d be good parents,” she grumbled. Shepard flopped onto the couch, groaning into a cushion for relief.

“I’m impressed, but that’s really unfortunate,” Garrus pat her back comfortingly. Shepard turned her face to one side so that she could speak.

“I could have a sperm donor or something,” she sighed.

“No. I looked up the horrors of human pregnancy, and we could never put you through something like that,” Thane asserted.

“Yeah. Just thought I’d check that you were paying attention, Mr. C-Sec,” Shepard teased.

“So what happens now? Do you still want children if they can’t be of your species?” Garrus put forth.

“Absolutely! We’re already committed to them, and I refuse to have someone tell them that their family decided they didn’t want to adopt them anymore,” she snapped.

“Shepard?” Thane said, holding her hand.

“Yes. Something like that happened for me. I could never do that to another human being,” Shepard breathed. Garrus crouched down to her eye level.

“We love you, okay?”

“I love you guys.” Shepard answered. Her omnitool buzzed in the middle of this touching moment. She sat up to look at it, wiping the hair out of her eyes. “Dear Admiral Shepard I was able to pull a few strings with my cousin who works in a multi-species adoption agency and he has a five year old human girl who needs parents-oh my god!”

“Wait who was that?” Garrus asked.

“Konstantinov! She pulled through, folks!” she exclaimed.

“You didn’t think to check with some of the multi-species adoption centers, Shepard?” Thane laughed. Shepard glared at him, but she couldn’t keep a straight face.

She jumped into their arms, nearly toppling the lot of them. Alicia Shepard was going to take care of the galaxy plus three children. Life was good.


End file.
